More from Gallagher

Photo submitted by Gallagher’s peeps.

If in the middle of the 1980s being in the audience for a Gallagher performance required head-to-toe raingear, these days you might be able to get away with wearing something that is simply water resistant. The comedian who is famous for his striped shirts and whacking watermelons on stage is calling his show at 8 p.m. today at Grandma’s Sports Garden as a “mini sledge.”

While Gallagher (no first name necessary) hasn’t really honed the definition of “mini sledge,” it is certainly something different than a “dry sledge” or even a “sledge free” show.

Gallagher, 63, recently talked to the DNT about proper application of the phrase “spoon fork,” lack of absolutes in American culture, and what percentage of people will recognize Gallagher at the grocery store and ask him if he is shopping for things to smash. Spoiler alert: He usually is. Check out the story in today’s Wave.

Here are the outtakes from the interview. Gallagher on:

I take a really important issue and I make it funny somehow. It entertains me. I want to have a worthwhile life. I don’t want to write meaningless sex jokes. I want to … be a visionary. Predict what way it’s going. Why would we put old people in congress if they don’t use their experience to do things to preempt problems. In America, we always seem to just manage a crisis. It has to happen, it has to happen first, then we say, “Oh we’re going to fix that now that we see it’s a problem.” Like the stricter security at the airport since they guy put the bomb in his underwear. It all ties in. People are amazed that the little things I talk about … like girls having boy names is a problem.

When they buy a truck that is a Pathfinder or an Explorer, it’s because they think of themselves like that. But they don’t act like it. They don’t think outside the box. If you see a traffic jam made of off-road vehicles, it’s a cross purpose. You get a vehicle that will go off road, then you won’t go off-road.

You would think that the news should say “Well, it was a traffic jam, then it wasn’t. Everybody cut off across the median and down the sidewalks, and through back yards and down onto surface streets.”

That’s what ants would do. Ants stay in the line until here is an obstruction. Then they go out and around it.
Our roads are the arteries of power. Why would people want to live in a city that was unusable? I live in Los Angeles. You can’t plan anything before 10 o’clock or after 3 o’clock because you want to hide from traffic. What kind of city is that? You can’t deliver products, you can’t have meetings, sales calls — they work a half a day.
The roads are unusable. Why would the rights of one person to have a traffic report balance out hundreds of people having to change their plans and not make a meting or deliver a product. Just because somebody has a fender bender or runs out of gas or hits a median or something, everyone else’s life is changed. We’ve put up with it, thinking there is no answer. But I don’t think that way. I’d say we’re a technologically advanced society and we can solve this problem. I see them lifting trucks and jeeps in Iraq and Afghanistan. Why can’t they do it in Chicago?

TV should be different than your live performance because you have the opportunity to have large visuals. That’s what I was doing. I was showing people unusual pictures. But everybody thought that’s all I was. That’s thinking in a rut.

“Hey, he’s clever enough to do television, right? Maybe he’s clever enough to do a stand up routine, right? I talk as much as any comic, you know, Jay Leno or Dave Letterman. In fact, I think I do a better show than they do. Then they could do. That’s all I practice. I think people should come see my show just to see someone who has perfected something. I’ve done this 30 years. Or more. … And I watch other comics and I pay attention to what I do. After all that time, you get it down.

I don’t want to be real, real famous. I always thought celebrities have a [crappy] life and you lose out. How can you be an artist and reflect what common people are doing if you can’t ever have an experience that is common anymore?

I can’t talk like a real person who is really interested in you and sit in my dressing room like some head up his [kiester] conceited star. I can tell you some of the comics that are like that …