Twilight: No one ever swooned over Robert Smith


Photo of Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen from Rotten Tomatoes

The messy stock of dark hair, the pale white face paint with eye makeup from something like Revlon’s evening tones collection, and painted lips … Robert Pattinson’s version of Edward Cullen in the teen vampire romance "Twilight" has the young ladies so filled with romance that they can’t help right clicking on his image then saving as desktop background. 

I’ve seen this guy before: His name is Robert Smith and he is the goth-guy lead singer of the moony ’80s band The Cure. While plenty of trapper keepers were scarred with Smith’s lyrics as graffiti, I’m not convinced anyone ever squealed at a picture of him. At least not in pleasure. [This is coming from someone who still has vintage Cure in regular rotation.]


Photo from The Cure.
 

Maybe it’s because, unlike Edward Cullen, Smith’s skin doesn’t shimmer in the sun like he was attacked by glitter-pen welding scrapbookers and a pore-sized Bedazzler. Although maybe he should consider it. I recently saw Smith on TV, rolling around on a stage covered in white makeup and thought: "C’mon, Robert. Still with the makeup? Even Madonna lost the cone bra at some point."

I’ve not yet listened to The Cure’s lastest release 4:13. I have a copy of it. I bet it’s awesome.

I did see "Twilight" though. Embarrassingly close to the day it opened. I couldn’t help it; I like a lot of things that 14 year old girls like: Jeans and hoodies from Abercrombie, Gossip Girl, Easy Cheese. I thought the book by Stephenie Meyer was awful. It should be subtitled: 101 ways to describe the color of Edward Cullen’s eyeballs. Not to mention that Bella and Edward have an emotionally abusive relationship. He loves her. He might eat her, though. Instead of a low-budget blockbuster, this should be an afterschool special.

"Oh, mom," she gasps. "I can’t wait to have a boyfriend who sneaks into my bedroom to watch me sleep and gives me absolutely NO alone time and could kill me because I smell so good, but probably won’t because he loves me."

The movie was better. It would have to be. It’s still not good, but the finale is totally "Matrix."

You know what did make me woozy when I was 14?

Donnie Wahlberg. First from left. I had no taste either.

10 thoughts on “Twilight: No one ever swooned over Robert Smith

  1. Donnie Wahlberg?! Yukky! I was more of a Johnny Depp fan myself. Or maybe Thurston Moore. :)

    Bad boys just seemed cooler.

    And, no, people never swooned over Robert Smith, but the Cure really was a good remedy for the “I hate my parents, nobody understands me because I’m 16″ illness.

    Believe me. I’ve been there (haven’t we all?)

  2. Well, I am a sixteen year old girl who happens to love the cure and own almost everything by them. I would scream over Robert Smith, in a pleasure way, any day of the week. He will always top Mr. Twilight guy.

  3. Cast Rob Pattinson in a biopic about The Cure as… you know it: Robert Smith. ‘Nuff said. Spread the word!

  4. “And, no, people never swooned over Robert Smith, but the Cure really was a good remedy for the “I hate my parents, nobody understands me because I’m 16″ illness.”

    Hate my parents and nobody understands me? Surely you must have never listened to The Cure then. Always loved The Cure for the lyrics, and Robert Smith’s voice.

  5. no one ever swooned for robert smith? are you kidding me? what rock have you been under?

    robert still gives me hot flashes… at his age!

  6. And, no, people never swooned over Robert Smith, but the Cure really was a good remedy for the “I hate my parents, nobody understands me because I’m 16″ illness.

    youve obviously ever had the pleasure of listening to the holy voice of robert smith.

  7. ahaha…the only reason i think robert pattinson is cute is because he reminds me of a young Robert Smith! God…i love that band…and robert (smith, that is). I used to have a massive posted of him over my bed…ah..teen angst. love it!

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